it hurts more in the daytime
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
