They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
