But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
