I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
