addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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