I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
