i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
