i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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