just come out here and I will go home with you...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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