well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You are the jesus of drinking
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
