She is in my trunk
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
