i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We smell like vodka and hangover
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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