God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
