i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
