Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
