If i come over, it means nothing
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
