My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
