Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
