Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
