whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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