I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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