Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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