this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
