Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
