i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
