OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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