You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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