I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
