I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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