i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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