I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
