Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
