I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
