I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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