Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
