Grow some girl-balls and come out already
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
