Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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