four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
