Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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