somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
