sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
