At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
