WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There's even glitter on my cock...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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