In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
