He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
