I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
