We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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