Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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