Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
