Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
