How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
