I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
