I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
