Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
