i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
