dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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