I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
