he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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