proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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