I'd wear matching sweaters with you
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
