are you still at the devil's house?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
