Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
