So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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