Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
