i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
