Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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