my mouth tastes like poor choices
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
