Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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