I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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