and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize