Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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