Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
