he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
