Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
