So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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