i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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