I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
