I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize