Your tits are I can't wait for
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
