I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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